My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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