guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
