So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
