Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
