You work out of a Hotel?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
