Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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