Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
