Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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