i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
