i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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