last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
only you would photoshop your dick
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
