Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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