So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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