please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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