I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
