She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
MIDGETS
????
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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