When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
