I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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