like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
