why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
