life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize