Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
