So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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