I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
