Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
