i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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