were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...