Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
