Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
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Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT