That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
