At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
