Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
