would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
