It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
where are my eyebrows?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
