Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
