That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
