Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
