Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
