Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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