He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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