I want to stick my p in your. b.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
