If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
