Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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