So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
