So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You made out with two different species that night
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I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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