I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
