So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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