she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Vodka?
Forever.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
