dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
