i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
as a side note pls kill me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
