never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
