I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
