it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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