you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
