you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
