She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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