i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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