your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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