He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize