I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
