Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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