I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
