The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
