I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my shit smells like andre
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
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Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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