discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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