she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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