Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
