I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
