Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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