i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
