new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
