at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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