Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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