Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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