Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
