Someone shit on the floor
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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