I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Screwed.edu
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
