i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
