If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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