Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
