Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
