So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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