nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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