I'm gonna have a badass scar
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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