Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
