i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
