Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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